I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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