Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
