so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
