i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
