I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
