why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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