whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
