Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
