the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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