Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
