Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm too high and old for this...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
