remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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