$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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