never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
