More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize