filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
