just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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