Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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