oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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