This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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