I hate all girls vehemently.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We got so high we made milksteak
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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