Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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