gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
