I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
