My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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