Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
