if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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