How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
