When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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