Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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