which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pants are for mortals
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
