when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
