there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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