Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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