I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
