Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
