haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
