I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize