I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
