Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize
