with your own penis?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
MIDGETS
????
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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