I smell stomach acid.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i would one night stand the shit outta him
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
