he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
