Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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