Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
