Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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