i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
