he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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