wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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