I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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