I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
