Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My vagina is officially offended.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
