I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
