I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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