a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
