One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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