I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
