Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
