All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
