not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The power of my boobs compel you
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