He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The feeling are messing with the penis
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
