End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
