My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
