nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
