I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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