operation have a gay friend backfired
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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