He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
