please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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