I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
